Caregiver Speaker, Elaine K Sanchez, incorporates real-life caregiving stories with practical, applicable strategies for managing the emotional stress of caregiving into her caregiving videos and support group program.

 In this article, she writes about how forgiveness can help reduce caregiver anger. 

Managing Caregiver Anger Through Forgiveness 

Anger is a signal that something is wrong. It is also a predictable and normal response to circumstances over which we have little or no control. As a caregiver, you will be confronted with countless situations, people, and events over which you have little or no control. You will get angry at the disease. You will get mad at your care receiver, the medical community, insurance companies, siblings, friends, and children. The list goes on and on.

So what can you do about it? I believe there are two simple choices––you can choose to let anger control you, or you can choose to control it. Ranting and raging is exhausting. It scares and upsets other people. Some individuals are fully aware of the power of anger and skilled at using full-blown temper tantrums as an emotional weapon to intimidate and control other people. Being in a relationship with someone who uses anger like that can crush your soul.

If you apply the three steps of Creative Indifference to your caregiver’s anger, you might discover that it is possible to stand up to bullies, set boundaries, and hold others accountable for their actions.

You might also discover that there are individuals in your life who will never play fairly, carry their share of the load, or show any concern for the well-being of you or your care receiver. It’s easy to let the behavior of these people make you so angry that you think of little else.

You may be absolutely justified in your feelings toward them, but if you hang on to that anger and let your feelings simmer constantly, it will not hurt them.  However, it will eventually hurt you – emotionally and possibly even physically.

I heard a sermon about forgiveness many years ago that changed my life. The minister said, “The only things we have to forgive are those things which we cannot possibly understand, accept, or rationalize away. If you can understand why someone did what they did if you can accept that it wasn’t their intention, or their action wasn’t actually that bad, or if you can justify their behavior and find a rational, acceptable reason for it, you don’t have to forgive them. But if you cannot understand, accept, or rationalize it away, you do need to forgive them.”

He explained that forgiveness isn’t something you do for the person who hurt you. You do it for yourself because you deserve to be free of the pain they caused you.

Forgiveness is something that takes time and practice. It does not require you to forget. Instead, it requires a willingness to let go of your anger and permit yourself to wake up happy and free of the heavy burden of anger and resentment every day.

***

People of all ages and stages of life become caregivers. Most of them are not prepared to manage the emotional stress of caring for individuals who are aging, disabled, or living with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, and other progressive and degenerative diseases. 

When caregivers have access to the CaregiverHelp Support Group Program, they will recognize that they are not alone. 

The CaregiverHelp Support Group Program can be offered at live, in-person events. It can also be led on Zoom, as a hybrid model, or as a self-paced program. 

Organizations that provide employee support through their Caregiver ERG programs love being able to offer CaregiverHelp Support Group as a self-paced program. 

Also, as baby boomers age, most HR managers are becoming aware that many of their employees are caring for spouses and aging parents. These employees don’t know what to do or where to turn when they are faced with taking over the healthcare and finances of loved ones who can no longer care for themselves. When offered through an Employee Assistance Program, such as a Caregiver EAP, companies may see reduced stress, fewer absences, and a decreased turnover.  

CaregiverHelp Support Group Program will never make caregiving easy. Still, it does provide people with the tools and support they need to make sound decisions, manage their stress, and care for themselves as they try to balance family responsibilities, work, and caregiving.