Caregiver Speaker, Elaine K Sanchez, incorporates real-life caregiving stories with practical, applicable strategies for managing the emotional stress of caregiving into her caregiving videos and support group program.

The article below describes two types of grief common to most caregivers – Preparatory Grief and Grief After Death. 

Coping with Caregiver Grief 

Caregiver grief is a complicated process that starts long before a loved one dies. Preparatory Grief is what we experience as we have to adapt and adjust to the ongoing losses and changes resulting from a progressive and degenerative disease. It’s different from the grief process we go through after a loved one dies.

There’s no scale to measure which type of grief is more difficult because whether you are grieving the gradual and continual losses that occur over an extended period or grieving a loved one’s actual death, you will hurt as much as it is humanly possible to hurt.

In the video about Preparatory Grief, Caregiver Speaker Elaine K Sanchez, co-founder of the CaregiverHelp Support Group Program, shares a story from her book, “Letters from Madelyn, Chronicles of a Caregiver.” In one letter, Madelyn wrote, “My husband died on October 30, 1993. We just haven’t gotten around to burying him yet.”

Madelyn believed that when a person was caring for a sick husband or wife, it could feel as if you’d been alone for the same number of years that person was ill. She went on to say that when she looked at her husband, what she saw was not him. Instead, she saw a repulsive older man, which made her realize she needed to remember who he was before the stroke and prostate cancer.

Signs of Preparatory Grief 

• Difficulty sleeping, lack of energy, irritability
• Change in appetite: weight gain or loss
• Headaches, stomachaches, intestinal problems, back and shoulder pain

The Grief module in the CaregiverHelp Support Group Program developed by Caregiver Speaker Elaine K Sanchez  helps caregivers understand that they may also experience:

• Denial
• Anger
• Guilt
• Sadness

There are no shortcuts through Preparatory Grief, but the process might be a little less stressful if you can cut yourself some slack and make self-care a priority.

If you can accept that self-care is not selfish, and if you take care of your body and pay attention to your mental, emotional and spiritual needs, you will be in a better position to help your loved one now.

Grief After Death 

It is challenging to initiate honest conversations about what matters most to your care receiver at the end of their life. However, if you can push past your discomfort and talk honestly and openly with your care receiver about their fears, hopes, and wishes, you will be in a better position to make informed decisions at the end of their life. Acknowledging our mortality and making informed decisions about palliative and hospice care can help you and your care receiver make choices that will reduce their suffering and help them maintain their dignity at the end of life.

After a loved one dies and your role as a caregiver ends, you will go through a different type of grief. It will require time and support to deal with the finality of death. It will not be easy. Some say you will never get over your grief – but you will get through it. It’s never easy, but with support, you will come to a place of acceptance and peace. And eventually, you will be able to step out of the past and realize that it is possible to start a new life filled with purpose and joy after caregiving.

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People of all ages and stages of life become caregivers. Most of them are not prepared to manage the emotional stress of caring for individuals who are aging, disabled, or living with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, and other progressive and degenerative diseases. 

When caregivers have access to the CaregiverHelp Support Group Program, they will recognize that they are not alone. 

The CaregiverHelp Support Group Program can be offered at live, in-person events. It can also be led on Zoom, as a hybrid model, or as a self-paced program. 

Organizations that provide employee support through their Caregiver ERG programs love being able to offer CaregiverHelp Support Group as a self-paced program. 

Also, as baby boomers age, most HR managers are becoming aware that many of their employees are caring for spouses and aging parents. These employees don’t know what to do or where to turn when they are faced with taking over the healthcare and finances of loved ones who can no longer care for themselves. When offered through an Employee Assistance Program, such as a Caregiver EAP, companies may see reduced stress, fewer absences, and a decreased turnover.  

CaregiverHelp Support Group Program will never make caregiving easy. Still, it does provide people with the tools and support they need to make sound decisions, manage their stress, and care for themselves as they try to balance family responsibilities, work, and caregiving.