Caregiver Speaker, Elaine K Sanchez, incorporates real-life caregiving stories with practical, applicable strategies for managing the emotional stress of caregiving into her caregiving videos and support group program. 

In the article below, she describes the three steps of developing an Attitude of Creative Indifference. This is a process that empowers caregivers to deal with the emotional stress of caring for those who cannot care for themselves. 

Most caregivers will agree that the physical aspect of caregiving is repetitive, demanding, and sometimes disgusting. As difficult as that is, it doesn’t even begin to compare to the emotional stress of caring for someone who is aging, chronically ill, disabled, or living with a cognitive disorder.

As I was editing my mother’s letters into the book “Letters from Madelyn, Chronicles of a Caregiver,” I realized that she had a process that she turned to repeatedly when confronted with a situation that caused her a significant amount of stress.

For a few years after my father suffered a debilitating stroke, she said that she was maintaining her emotional equilibrium by having a “Detached Attitude.” Over time, her “Detached Attitude” morphed into what she called an “Attitude of Creative Indifference.”

In a phone conversation, I asked her to explain the difference between being “Detached” and being “Creatively Indifferent.”

She said, “You can call it whatever you want. I just like the term “Creative Indifference” better because I think “Detached” sounds a little cold. It means not allowing yourself to become emotionally ravaged by the disease or the progression of events.”

1. The first step to developing an attitude of creative indifference is to become AWARE of the specific issues that are causing you the most significant amount of emotional stress. There are multiple ways to do this, but writing it down on paper or on your computer, will help provide clarity. It could also help you sleep at night because when you get swirling thoughts out of your head and down on paper, it allows your sub-conscience mind to stop working on the problem.
2. The second step is to ACCEPT that you are human, and this situation is complicated. You will have to cope with issues that are complicated, complex, and extremely difficult to manage. There will be countless losses and innumerable circumstances over which you have no control, including the progression of the disease or disability, the behavior of others, and the eventual outcome.
3. The third step is ACTION! Start by identifying the situations over which you do have some control. If you can name a problem that has a solution, make a plan, and then implement it. Problem solved! However, more often than not, caregivers are faced with challenges for which there are no solutions. When you come up against something over which you have no authority, power, or control, you have two choices:

• You can obsess over it.
• You can choose to release your emotional attachment to it.

Nothing about being a caregiver is easy. You may feel overwhelmed with the multiple responsibilities of your job, family, and care of a loved one. You may have to deal with frustrating and challenging issues on every front every day.

When you have a terrible day, it might help to think about the following quote from the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Dr. Viktor Frankl, a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp.

He stated, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms––to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

You may not be able to control your circumstances, but you can choose your attitude. My mother, an ardent admirer of Dr. Frankl, adopted his philosophy and adapted his quote to fit her situation. She often said, “As long as I have the ability to think and reason, I will have the power to choose my attitude toward any person, thing, or event.”

Developing an Attitude of Creative Indifference is a three-step process that is the foundation of the CaregiverHelp Support Group Program. This video-based caregiver support group program can be offered at live, in-person events. It can also be provided via Zoom or as a self-paced program through employers who have Caregiver Employee Resource Groups.

People of all ages and stages of life become caregivers. Most of them are not prepared to manage the emotional stress of caring for individuals who are aging, disabled, or living with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, and other progressive and degenerative diseases. 

People of all ages and stages of life become caregivers. Most of them are not prepared to manage the emotional stress of caring for individuals who are aging, disabled, or living with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, and other progressive and degenerative diseases. 

When caregivers have access to the CaregiverHelp Support Group Program, they will recognize that they are not alone. 

The CaregiverHelp Support Group Program can be offered at live, in-person events. It can also be led on Zoom, as a hybrid model, or as a self-paced program. 

Organizations that provide employee support through their Caregiver ERG programs love being able to offer CaregiverHelp Support Group as a self-paced program. 

Also, as baby boomers age, most HR managers are becoming aware that many of their employees are caring for spouses and aging parents. These employees don’t know what to do or where to turn when they are faced with taking over the healthcare and finances of loved ones who can no longer care for themselves. When offered through an Employee Assistance Program, such as a Caregiver EAP, companies may see reduced stress, fewer absences, and a decreased turnover.  

CaregiverHelp Support Group Program will never make caregiving easy. However, it does provide people with the tools and support they need to make sound decisions, manage their stress, and care for themselves as they try to balance family responsibilities, work, and caregiving.