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28 06, 2015

Set Boundaries

Set Boundaries to Reduce Caregiver Stress

365 Messages of Hope, Humor & Heart for Caregivers – #3

reduce-caregiver-stress-set-boundariesWhen you spend the bulk of your time and energy caring for others, it becomes critically important to set boundaries. When you decide what you need to do to take care of yourself and you draw a firm line in the sand, other people will eventually accept and respect your limits.

In a letter my mother wrote to me about four months after my dad had his first stroke she said, “The one place where I don’t give in to Quentin is when I want to sit up and read at night. Last night he told me that the light being on in […]

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27 06, 2015

Let Go of Caregiver Guilt

Give Yourself a Do-Over and Let Go of Caregiver Guilt

365 Messages of Hope, Humor & Heart for Caregivers – #2

Have you ever done or said something that you wish you could take back? Guess what? You’re human!

Caregivers get tired and frustrated. Sometimes the pressure and the monotony gets to us, and we say something that hurts others and makes us feel lousy about ourselves.

It would be great if we could hit a “rewind” button and change what happened, but since that isn’t possible, we can give ourselves a “do-over” and choose to do better next time.

Start with acknowledging what you did. Apologize. Make amends, and then let it go. Rather than spending energy berating yourself, or allowing others […]

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26 06, 2015

Is Caregiving Just One Damn Thing After Another?

Is Caregiving Just One Damn Thing After Another?

365 Messages of Hope, Humor & Heart for Caregivers – #1

caregiver-angerThe poet and playright, Edna St. Vincent Millay once said, “It’s not true that life is one damn thing after another. It’s actually one damn thing over and over!”

Most caregivers will agree that the physical aspect of caregiving is demanding, dreary, and sometimes downright disgusting. Even so, the physical strain pales in comparison to the emotional stress of caring for someone who is aging, chronically ill, disabled, or demented.

There are four emotions that most caregivers have to deal with over and over, and they are: Anger, Guilt, Depression, and Grief.

It may help to know that anger is […]

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1 06, 2015

Practicing What I Preach

Managing the Emotional Stress of Caregiving

emotional-stress-caregivingIf you have ever attended one of my presentations, or if you have followed my blog, you know I frequently talk about developing an “Attitude of Creative Indifference” toward the emotional stress of caregiving.

The three steps are:

Become AWARE of the specific issues that cause you the greatest amount of emotional stress.

ACCEPT: You are human and you are coping with situations that are complicated and extremely difficult to manage.

ACT! Take care of the things you can change. Release the things over which you have no power, influence, or control.

Right now I am somewhere between Step One and Step Two. Recently my husband and I went on a little trip to […]

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23 02, 2015

Go With the FLOW

Go With the Flow to
Reduce Caregiver Stress

Caregiver learns to go with the flow Learning to “go with the flow” isn’t something that comes naturally to most caregivers. It can actually feel like the first thing we should do every morning is strap on a pair of boxing gloves in order to get prepared for the numerous battles we know we’ll be facing throughout the day.

As I may have mentioned before, I like to be in control. The problem with wanting to do something to fix, change or improve any given situation is coping with your feelings of frustration and disappointment when things don’t work out.

We have to accept that there are progressive diseases for which there are no cures, and that we […]

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15 02, 2015

Manage Caregiver Stress

Developing an Attitude of Creative Indifference
Step 3: ACTION

making a choice to manage caregiver stress For the past few days I’ve been writing about how developing an Attitude of Creative Indifference and help manage caregiver stress.

As a quick review, the first two steps are becoming AWARE of the situations, people and events that are upsetting you and ACCEPTING that you are on a difficult journey and that there are a lot of complicating factors involved. Here are links to these two posts on my website in case you missed them:

Grief and Parkinson’s Disease
Accepting the Unacceptable

The third step of “Developing an Attitude of Creative Indifference” is ACTION. After you have become […]

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17 01, 2015

Finding Your Authentic Self

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 15
“Madelyn Gets Depressed”

caregiver depression

Finding your authentic self is a phrase that can seem trite, especially if you are caregiver. In today’s chapter of “Letters from Madelyn”, my mother experiences an episode of reactionary caregiver depression when she reads the book, “Simple Abundance”. The strategies the author offered for “finding your authentic self” seemed utterly absurd to Madelyn. After coming to the conclusion that the author is a young woman and knows absolutely nothing about being old or being a caregiver, Madelyn starts to recall what her life was like when she was in her 30’s and the Women’s Liberation Movement was just getting started.

Like most women who have lived and loved, raised a family and cared […]

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16 01, 2015

Coping with Caregiver Stress

Quentin’s Old Girlfriend
Creates New Stress for Madelyn

depressed caregiverIn this episode of “Letters from Madelyn” my mother writes about caregiver stress on a number of levels. My dad can no longer manage the stairs at the church. She is frustrated with his incontinence and concerned about his increased mental confusion. As his class reunion approaches, he becomes obsessed with seeing Avis, the girl he took to his high school senior prom.

Madelyn’s poor health and physical exhaustion are contributing to her stress, and when she finally realizes that her increased aches and pains are probably related to depression, she starts taking her little “mood enhancer” again. (For more information on Clinical Depression, please click on this link to my website: […]

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15 01, 2015

Caregiver Transitions

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 13
“Things That Get Wrecked”

Caregiver transitions - balancing mind and heart

Managing caregiver transitions is extraordinarily difficult. Few things are more heartbreaking than witnessing the daily decline of your husband.

How do you manage the pain that comes with the loss of his abilities? How do you stay connected when his thinking processes become so impaired that he can’t be trusted to do the simplest tasks? How do you maintain your patience when it takes him forever to shuffle from one room to another? How can you enjoy a meal together when he struggles to get food onto his fork and then into his mouth?

I believe there is very little in life that can hurt us as much as […]

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31 12, 2014

Connection – Reduce Caregiver Stress

Reduce Caregiver Stress by
Staying Connected to Your Love One

Caregiver Staying Connected to Care ReceiverA few years ago I heard a man speak at an event sponsored by AARP. He was talking about caring for his wife who has MS. One day as he was he helping her onto the toilet, she looked up and him and angrily hissed, “Stop it!”

He said, “Stop what?”

She said, “Stop being my caregiver!”

His response was, “How in the hell am I supposed to do that?”

She said, “I don’t know, but I’m sick of you just being my caregiver. I want you to be my husband!”

They fought a little bit. They both cried, and then they sat down and talked about […]

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