14 01, 2015

Caregiver Flexibility

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 12
“Annie’s Graduation Letter”

Caregiver flexibility is a must when you are caring for a person who is aging, chronically ill or disabled. An ordinary activity like a trip to the store, a visit to the doctor’s office, or going out for lunch can quickly turn into a complicated ordeal.

In today’s episode of “Letters from Madelyn” my mother describes how Dad ruined a shopping trip for her. She describes the events and her frustration, but she doesn’t let a series of little disasters totally destroy her day. She also shares a high school graduation letter she sent to my daughter Annie in which she reminisces about her own teenaged years. She envies Annie’s youth and […]

11 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 9

What’s Fun for a Caregiver?

Have you ever stopped to wonder what’s fun for a caregiver? How do you find joy in the middle of illness and suffering? How can you have a good time when you can no longer do the any of the things that used to bring you pleasure?

When we’re young and healthy it’s easy to have fun. Even if we don’t have money, there are countless ways to have a good time. When a loved one loses his/her physical or cognitive abilities, a lot of the fun things we used to do are no longer possible, and finding pleasure in our daily life can become quite challenging.

My mother wrote about this when a friend said […]

10 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 8

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 8
Dealing with Preparatory Grief

We generally think of grief as the process we go through after someone we love dies. What many people are not familiar with and don’t completely understand is preparatory grief, which the process that caregivers frequently experience as they have to continually adapt and adjust to the ongoing losses and changes suffered by a loved one who has a long-term, progressive and degenerative disease.

Preparatory grief is not a linear process. Every time your loved one experiences another loss, you grieve that loss and you go through a period of adjustment. You eventually come to accept this “new normal,” and you think you’re getting along just fine. Then something happens that reminds you of what life used […]

9 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook, Chapter 7

“Letters from Madelyn” – Chapter 7
Caregiver Socialization

Caregiver socialization is often overlooked as an important self-care strategy. Maintaining old relationships and developing new ones can help caregivers avoid becoming isolated, lonely and depressed.

There were no support groups in my mother’s community during the time she cared for my dad, so when she was invited to join the Friday Morning Coffee Group, it was a very big deal. It provided her with a new social network and it gave her something to look forward to every week.

If you are caring for a loved one at home, I hope you will listen to today’s installment of “Letters from Madelyn”. Like her, I hope you’ll find a way to take a […]

5 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 3

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 3
“Fire! Fire! Madelyn Gets Mad”

My mother was not a saint. Like most people in a similar situation, she often experienced caregiver anger. She wrote this letter after Dad got involved in putting out a wheat field fire the first summer after his stroke.

She believed he’d suffered the original stroke as a result of working too hard and getting too tired. She was afraid if he pushed himself to the limit again that he might have another stroke. She knew it could kill him. On the other hand, she knew it might not. If he had another stroke and it debilitated him to the point that she could no longer care for him at home, she […]

3 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn AudioBook: Chapter 1

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 1
Life Falls Apart

“Letters from Madelyn, Chronicles of a Caregiver” is a compilation of the letters my mother wrote to me during the six-and-a-half years she cared for my dad following his debilitating stroke. People often tell me that Madelyn gives them permission to be human. Perhaps it’s because she is totally honest and never sugar coats anything!

In recognition of National Family Caregivers Month, I will be posting chapters of the audiobook this month as a gift to caregivers like my mother who often struggle to maintain a positive attitude while they care for those who can no longer care for themselves.

I promise you will laugh more than you cry.

Click here to listen to Chapter 1 – “Life Falls Apart”
[…]

31 12, 2014

Connection – Reduce Caregiver Stress

Reduce Caregiver Stress by
Staying Connected to Your Love One

A few years ago I heard a man speak at an event sponsored by AARP. He was talking about caring for his wife who has MS. One day as he was he helping her onto the toilet, she looked up and him and angrily hissed, “Stop it!”

He said, “Stop what?”

She said, “Stop being my caregiver!”

His response was, “How in the hell am I supposed to do that?”

She said, “I don’t know, but I’m sick of you just being my caregiver. I want you to be my husband!”

They fought a little bit. They both cried, and then they sat down and talked about […]

28 12, 2014

LIMITS – Reduce Caregiver Stress

Setting Limits in Order to Reduce Caregiver Stress

My mother was in very poor health when Dad suffered a debilitating stroke. While still in the hospital, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Dad told Mom he was concerned about the additional burden caring for him would put on her. She said, “Don’t worry. You have already prepaid your medical care with me.”

About three years later, she got upset with him because he wouldn’t do his exercises or much of anything else to contribute to his own care. In addition to being lazy, he was acting grumpy, fussy and demanding. Mom reached her limit one morning and said, “Do you remember when I said your care was prepaid? Well, guess what, Pal? You just overdrew your account, and you are now […]

27 12, 2014

PERSEVERE – Survival Strategy for Caregivers

Perseverance – a Survival Strategy
to help Caregivers Cope with Stress

A former student in our online caregiving class who works at an assisted living facility said he always asks his residents this question, “If there is one thing that you have learned in your life that has had the biggest impact on who you are today, what is it? And how do you recommend that I pursue this same thing?”

One resident’s comment had a profound impact on our student. He said, “Get back up. Even if you fall hard, get back up, because all there is in life is life, and it’s up to you to persevere and make it all you can.”

The late […]

25 12, 2014

MIRACLE – Gift of Caregiving

Love – The Miracle Gift of Caregiving

Christmas is the season of miracles. Today children have awakened to find gifts from Santa. Volunteers have helped grant wishes by ringing bells and collecting food, clothing and toys. The generosity of those in a position to give has provided countless Christmas miracles for people in need. However, when money can’t fix a problem, miracles are more difficult to create. When we’re caring for someone who has run out of medical miracles, we have to look beyond the needs of the body. A friend whose husband had fought a long and arduous battle with cancer, wrote to me and said, “We prayed for him to get well. That didn’t happen, but he […]

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 12 “Annie’s Graduation Letter”

What’s Fun for a Caregiver?

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 8 Dealing with Preparatory Grief

“Letters from Madelyn” – Chapter 7 Caregiver Socialization

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 3 “Fire! Fire! Madelyn Gets Mad”

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 1 Life Falls Apart

Reduce Caregiver Stress by Staying Connected to Your Love One

Perseverance – a Survival Strategy to help Caregivers Cope with Stress

Love – The Miracle Gift of Caregiving

Title

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 12
“Annie’s Graduation Letter”

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 8
Dealing with Preparatory Grief

“Letters from Madelyn” – Chapter 7
Caregiver Socialization

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 3
“Fire! Fire! Madelyn Gets Mad”

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 1
Life Falls Apart

Reduce Caregiver Stress by
Staying Connected to Your Love One

Perseverance – a Survival Strategy
to help Caregivers Cope with Stress