18 05, 2014

JOURNEY

My friend Barbara was a young newlywed when her mother suffered a debilitating stroke and she became a full-time caregiver. Several years later, on the verge of collapse, she went on a weekend spiritual retreat.

The leader of the retreat told her, “You cannot take on someone else’s suffering.” He said, “You can be kind. You can be supportive. You can make choices that help make your mother stay comfortable, but cannot do her suffering for her.”

That statement helped Barbara realize that she didn’t cause her mother’s stroke. She became aware that it was not within her power to reverse the damage or restore her mother to health. She learned to not let her mother’s life become her life. Barbara continued to make sure her mother had the physical […]

17 05, 2014

TRUTH

A few days ago Alex and I met a woman at a caregiver support group meeting. Her father had just died. When we expressed sympathy, she said, “It’s okay. He lived the life he wanted to live, and it’s not a sad thing that he died.”

As the meeting progressed, she revealed that her father had been a terrible husband to her mother and a horrible, abusive father. She was actually feeling relieved that he was dead. The only problem she had with his death was figuring out what to tell her children and how to respond to people who expressed their condolences. (She didn’t want to speak poorly of the dead.)

We thought the statement she made at the beginning of the meeting was a perfect way to respond […]

16 05, 2014

PASS

We went to visit our priest in the hospital yesterday. He’s there because of an obstructed bowel. (There’s nothing fun about that!) We dropped in for just a few minutes to give him some flowers and a word of encouragement. He’s been in a great deal of discomfort and hasn’t been able to eat or drink anything for more than 48 hours. He looked miserable, but he still had a sense of humor. As we were leaving, he said, “This too shall pass.”

I said, “With any luck at all!” We all laughed. Our priest’s wife then told us about how one of their 93 year-old parishioners had inspired them when she came down with a terrible case of shingles. They’d gone to visit her and were wishing they could […]

15 05, 2014

CRUSADE

Yesterday my husband and I attended a live broadcast of “Think Out Loud” at the NPR station in Portland. The show was about how people face the challenges of caregiving.

Alex and I were very moved by the people we met and the stories we heard. Dave Miller, the host of the show sat at the front of the room with three panel members – an older man, an older woman and a pretty blonde woman in her thirties. At first glance you would think Joey (the young blonde) had never even had a bad hair day.

Turns out Joey has an 11 year-old daughter who has a severe form of autism that requires 24-hour a day care. This child cannot walk or use her hands. She has an adolescent […]

13 05, 2014

RECOUP

I wrote an article for Griswold Home Care’s CaringTimes Blog that was just published this morning. The title is “Caregiver Burnout: How to Recognize, Regroup & Recoup from Caregiver Stress”.

You may recognize a few paragraphs from recent posts, but I hope you’ll take the time to read it.

If you are feeling worn down and wrung out, you may find an idea or two in the article that will help you realize what you need to do to recoup a little physical and emotional strength and energy.

http://www.griswoldhomecare.com/blog/caregiver-burnout-how-to-recognize-recover-from-caregiver-stress/

12 05, 2014

BETTER

Those of us who are members of the Baby Boomer generation have lived through several decades of unprecedented growth and opportunity. We’ve seen tremendous advances in science and technology. We grew up believing that our lives would get better with each passing year. We thought if we just worked hard enough that we could find a solution to almost any problem.

That may be why it comes as such a shock when our care receivers don’t get better in spite of all we do for them. It breaks our hearts to witness the decline in our loved ones’ health and abilities, so we desperately search for silver-bullet solutions. We want so badly to find a cure for the disease, a way stop the pain, or a method that will restore […]

11 05, 2014

MOM

On Mother’s Day we celebrate the women who brought us into this world and what they taught us. My mother was a Kansas farm wife who made me believe I could do whatever I wanted to do, be whatever I wanted to be, and go where ever I want to go. By teaching me that failure was not a shame, but low aim was, she gave me the gift of confidence.

Mom never liked her physical life on the farm, so she discovered how to find her peace and happiness from within. This is another lesson that I got from her: “You may be confined physically, but there is absolutely no limit to how far your mind can go.”

Whenever Mom was feeling down or discouraged, she would go to the […]

10 05, 2014

ANNIVERSARY

Ten years ago this week our priest called and asked if I would say a few words about mother/daughter relationships at Church on Mother’s Day. I decided I wanted people to hear who my mother had been in her own words. I went out to the garage, took down the cardboard moving box my husband had labeled “Letters from Madelyn” and started reading.

The box was full of letters wonderful letters Mom had written over the course of nearly seven years, but I was looking for one particular letter she had written during an especially difficult time in both of our lives. I was single at the time, but I had two wonderful girlfriends who would come over with a bottle of wine (or a carton of ice cream) whenever […]

9 05, 2014

ROOM

I read something a few days ago about grief. I can’t remember the exact quote or who wrote it, but it was something like this, “The pain doesn’t go away; you just learn to make room for it.”

It made me realize that as we go through the process of living, we make room for lots of things. After my son Eric was born, I thought I could never love another child as much as I loved him – until Robert was born. I wasn’t excited about having a third baby until I held Annie, my beautiful baby girl, in my arms. Loving another child didn’t take anything away from anybody. My heart just grew bigger to make room for the infinite love I felt for each one of them. […]

8 05, 2014

RELIEF

We learned something this week that might help others. Alex has been going to a pain management clinic for about six years. He regularly gets steroid shots help reduce the pain he experiences in his lower back and legs.

He wasn’t scheduled for a consultation until the 14th of May. When he called a few weeks ago and asked for an earlier appointment, the receptionist said the doctor was booked solid. His pain continued to increase, so last week he stopped in at the clinic and asked to be put on a cancellation list.

On Tuesday his pain was excruciating and he was having difficulty walking. In desperation we wrote a letter to the doctor asking if he could help Alex get scheduled for a procedure within a day or […]

JOURNEY

TRUTH

PASS

CRUSADE

RECOUP

BETTER

MOM

ANNIVERSARY

ROOM

RELIEF

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