20 01, 2015

Overcoming Caregiver Guilt

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 18
“Anniversary Generates Feelings of Caregiver Guilt”

On my parents’ 56th anniversary my mother was overcome with caregiver guilt. Their anniversary fell on a Sunday. She knew it was going there was going to e a special service that day. Several former ministers and members would be in attendance. There was going to be special music, and she knew there would probably be an anniversary cake for her and dad after the service. But on that day she just didn’t have the physical or emotional energy to get Dad ready so he could go to church with her.

The minister read a poem during the service that sent her over the edge. The author is unknown.

I’ve been […]

7 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 5

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 5
“A Caregiver’s Faith”

A caregiver’s faith is often the most powerful weapon against despair. At the same time, most caregivers have a lot of questions for God: Why do good people get sick? Is there any purpose in suffering? What are we supposed to be learning from all of this?

My mother’s faith was deep, but it was far from traditional. She questioned and challenged everything. In today’s episode of “Letters from Madelyn” I hope you’ll listen with an open mind as my mother talks about attending a World Religion Class at the local college. You’ll hear that she didn’t have much use for the Old Testament. She wasn’t the least bit afraid to challenge […]

5 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 2

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 2
“Grandma Tells It Like It Is”

In Chapter 2 of “Letters from Madelyn”, my mother writes a “howler” letter to my son Eric on his 18th birthday, and she dishes out a healthy dose of caregiver tough love. (As I may have mentioned earlier, Mom never sugar-coated anything!)

I had gone through a horrendous divorce and a devastating job loss. My kids and I were all in a state of sorrow and confusion. As my mother was adjusting to her new role as a caregiver, she was also doing everything she could to emotionally support my struggling family.

Caregivers don’t live in a bubble. Often people who are caring for a loved one are also working a […]

28 12, 2014

LIMITS – Reduce Caregiver Stress

Setting Limits in Order to Reduce Caregiver Stress

My mother was in very poor health when Dad suffered a debilitating stroke. While still in the hospital, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Dad told Mom he was concerned about the additional burden caring for him would put on her. She said, “Don’t worry. You have already prepaid your medical care with me.”

About three years later, she got upset with him because he wouldn’t do his exercises or much of anything else to contribute to his own care. In addition to being lazy, he was acting grumpy, fussy and demanding. Mom reached her limit one morning and said, “Do you remember when I said your care was prepaid? Well, guess what, Pal? You just overdrew your account, and you are now […]

27 12, 2014

PERSEVERE – Survival Strategy for Caregivers

Perseverance – a Survival Strategy
to help Caregivers Cope with Stress

A former student in our online caregiving class who works at an assisted living facility said he always asks his residents this question, “If there is one thing that you have learned in your life that has had the biggest impact on who you are today, what is it? And how do you recommend that I pursue this same thing?”

One resident’s comment had a profound impact on our student. He said, “Get back up. Even if you fall hard, get back up, because all there is in life is life, and it’s up to you to persevere and make it all you can.”

The late […]

25 12, 2014

MIRACLE – Gift of Caregiving

Love – The Miracle Gift of Caregiving

Christmas is the season of miracles. Today children have awakened to find gifts from Santa. Volunteers have helped grant wishes by ringing bells and collecting food, clothing and toys. The generosity of those in a position to give has provided countless Christmas miracles for people in need. However, when money can’t fix a problem, miracles are more difficult to create. When we’re caring for someone who has run out of medical miracles, we have to look beyond the needs of the body. A friend whose husband had fought a long and arduous battle with cancer, wrote to me and said, “We prayed for him to get well. That didn’t happen, but he […]

22 12, 2014

HANDS – Support for Caregivers

HANDS- A Message of Inspiration
and Support for Caregivers

This morning I came across a quote from St. Teresa of Avila that I think offers tremendous support for caregivers. She said, “Christ has no body now on earth but yours. No hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which Christ’s compassion looks out on the world. Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good. And yours are the hands with which he is to bless us now.”

I love this quote, and it made me think of a Christmas gift I received many years ago from my parents. In July my mother started sending […]

4 11, 2014

BASELINE – Avoid Caregiver Holiday Burnout

How to Avoid Caregiver
Holiday Burnout and Stress

This week we’re going to be talking about how to avoid caregiver burnout. The mental, emotional and physical stress of caring for those who cannot care for themselves takes a tremendous toll on a person. Adding the stress of the holidays to the normal, everyday pressures of caregiving, could take a person over the edge.

In order to avoid that, let’s start with getting a baseline assessment of where your stress level is right now. Take the following self-assessment test. Don’t overthink the statements. Just read them and keep track of how many resonate with you.

_____ It’s hard for me to find time to do things I like […]

3 11, 2014

TRADITION – Reduce Holiday Stress for Caregivers

Reduce Holiday Stress for Caregivers

caregiver stress meditative photo from sedona Reducing holiday stress for caregivers is getting harder every year. Christmas decorations started creeping into the stores before Halloween. You can bet that when political ads stop tomorrow we will start getting pummeled with messages about buying the perfect Christmas gifts for our loved ones. How do you reduce holiday stress while caring for a loved one and still honor your favorite traditions.

My husband and I have a blended family. Together we have eight children. Last year seven of them were with us for the holidays. We had house guests ranging in age from five to eighty-three for ten days straight. When they all went home, Alex said, “Next year I’m […]

19 05, 2014

WINDOW

On my way to Pennsylvania this morning to speak at a couple of conferences sponsored by the elder law firm, Marshall, Parker & Weber, I sat on the plane next to Lisa, a lovely woman whose mother has Alzheimer’s.

Recently her husband’s mother was diagnosed with dementia. After she experienced an acute medical crisis, Lisa’s husband picked his mom up at the hospital. Knowing that she was no longer capable of managing all of her own physical and financial affairs without help, he had planned to stop by the bank and have her sign the necessary paperwork so he could take over the management of her finances and make sure all of her bills got paid on time.

Once they were in the car, he called Lisa and said, “I […]

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 18 “Anniversary Generates Feelings of Caregiver Guilt”

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 5 “A Caregiver’s Faith”

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 2 “Grandma Tells It Like It Is”

Perseverance – a Survival Strategy to help Caregivers Cope with Stress

Love – The Miracle Gift of Caregiving

HANDS- A Message of Inspiration and Support for Caregivers

How to Avoid Caregiver Holiday Burnout and Stress

Reduce Holiday Stress for Caregivers

WINDOW

Title

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 18
“Anniversary Generates Feelings of Caregiver Guilt”

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 5
“A Caregiver’s Faith”

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 2
“Grandma Tells It Like It Is”

Perseverance – a Survival Strategy
to help Caregivers Cope with Stress

HANDS- A Message of Inspiration
and Support for Caregivers

How to Avoid Caregiver
Holiday Burnout and Stress