Look at Me––A Poem for Caregivers
An Older Woman’s Poem to Her Caregivers
Recently, I presented a keynote for the virtual “Compassion Fatigue Symposium” hosted by Educare of Dallas. In the segment in which I talked about “Giving Caregiver Guilt the Boot,” I shared a poem entitled, “Look at Me.” Many of the conference participants requested a copy. I have been told that the author is unknown and that the poem was found in the room of a nursing home patient after her funeral. I have shared this poem at caregiving conferences more times than I can remember. Even so, it never fails to bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eyes. I believe it is a powerful reminder that every person who is now old was once a young person who had […]
After Christmas, my husband and I like to escape the cold, rainy Oregon weather and go someplace warm and sunny for a few weeks.
I am a project person, and it gives me a great deal of satisfaction to complete tasks once I start them. I don’t wait well, and when I have to rely on other people to move forward on a project, I get antsy. Earlier in the week, my feelings went beyond antsy. I was feeling agitated, irritated, and tense.
The reasons we choose to get married late in life can be very, very different from the things that motivate us to walk down the aisle when we’re young. Recently, our dear friends Rob and Shelly, who are both in their late seventies, decided after a twenty-year engagement, that it was time to get married.
Caring for a spouse is difficult under the best of circumstances. But if your spouse has made irresponsible decisions that have put you in financial peril, is in failing health, and refuses to take care of him/herself, how do you avoid slipping into an abyss of despair or living in a state of perpetual anger?
Caregivers experience a lot of difficult emotions, including anger, guilt, depression and grief. I recently wrote an article for Stroke Connection Magazine about overcoming caregiver guilt. If you are tired of feeling guilty for things you’ve done or said, or for the way you feel toward your care receiver, I hope you’ll click on the link below to get some tips on how stop feeling guilty when you have not intentionally inflicted physical or emotional pain on someone else. 
We make a lot of decisions every single day of our lives. We eagerly engage in conversations about our plans for the future. However, there is one subject that seems be taboo with friends, family members, and even with our doctors; and that subject is death. We all know that we will die sometime, but when we, or someone we care about, is diagnosed with a life-ending illness, we have a tendency to talk about treatments and avoid discussions about our preferences for end-of-life choices and care. 
Maintaining a positive mental attitude as a caregiver doesn’t just happen. It takes conscious effort and a willingness to filter out the negativity in your life.
Communicating with people who are living with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia can be extraordinarily difficult. There are a lot of strategies caregivers can employ to make it easier, but you should know that there are three things that will NEVER work. The Three DON’TS of Dementia are:
Caregiver multi-tasking seems like a necessity. Like mothers of small children, caregivers have to become adept at multi-tasking. Otherwise, how would we ever get anything done? However, when we’re constantly doing one thing and our minds are occupied with what we need to do next, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Our frustration can lead to emotional outbursts that can be scary to the people around us.