Elaine K Sanchez

Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of people overcome addiction by focusing on abstinence “One day at a time”. I think this philosophy can also be helpful to caregivers.

If we allow ourselves to think about everything that has already happened and what still might happen, it could easily overwhelm us. So today, instead of dwelling on the pain and losses of the past and projecting what could happen in the future, I’d like for you to narrow your focus to the number one.

If you have a mess to clean up, think of it as one mess. If you have a lot of projects that need to get done, make a list and cross them off one at a time.

It’s possible […]

A few days ago I met Anne, an Episcopal priest who appears to be nearing 60. She had been a successful business woman and a “Christmas and Easter Christian” until 9/11. On that day, as she watched the horrific events unfold on television she asked over and over again, “What can I do?” Late in the evening she heard a voice say, “Go to church.” That was her call, and it changed her life.

Ten years ago I spoke for 10 minutes at our church on Mother’s Day about mother-daughter relationships. That was the day I got the call to do this work.

I have come to the conclusion that caring for others physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually isn’t something we […]

Several weeks ago I asked you to share your ideas on what kind of support would be the most helpful to you as caregivers. I was surprised by how few responses I received. I’ve come to the conclusion that when most caregivers are asked, “Can I do anything to help?” the default response is generally, “Thanks, but we’re doing okay.”

I said the same thing when friends offered to help during the peak of my husband’s difficulty. In spite of that, several people brought food. They didn’t ask what we needed or when we wanted it. They just called to say they were on their way, or they showed up and rang the doorbell. I am still feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. […]

About a week ago I complained about not getting much sleep. A woman who follows this blog wrote and said, “At night I sit in a chair beside my loved one’s hospital bed.” (Her comment made me feel like a real light-weight.)

Even though I knew our situation was temporary, it didn’t change the fact that my brain and body were running on fumes.

During the time we spent most of our nights awake, I discovered the restorative power of naps. Whenever Alex fell asleep, I grabbed a pillow and a blanket and I slept too. Sometimes I could catch 10 to 20 minutes of rest; sometimes we would sleep for an hour or more.

Here’s what I learned about naps during that […]

Yesterday Alex turned a corner. The injection he got in his spine on Friday finally quelled the pain. He’s now able to walk, sleep and move with only a minimal amount of discomfort. Last night we were talking about this whole experience, and he said, “It’s been so hard for me to be the care receiver and to not be able to do even the simplest things for myself.” He also said he felt badly that it had been so hard on me.

I don’t feel sorry for myself at all. Rather, I feel extraordinarily lucky. We have been through a very stressful time, but Alex is worthy of all of my time, attention, effort and love.

I wish all caregivers […]

How do you regain your physical and emotional equilibrium after a crisis? I’ve been been working on that for the last few days. I’ve come up with a three-step process that helped me. Maybe it can help you too.

REFLECT
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As Alex and have gone through the last few months, we’ve discovered that in the middle of a health crises there are a lot of things that are important, necessary and required. It’s important to get good medicare care. It’s necessary to be your own advocate. And sometimes you are required to be relentless (even pushy) in order to get the help you need.

We’ve also discovered how much kindness matters. Friends and family members have called, sent cards, and brought food. Doctors, nurses, and other medical staff have lifted our spirits and helped us through difficult moments just by being kind.

I stumbled across a video yesterday about kindness and I wanted to share it with you. If you are […]

When a loved one experiences an unexpected health crisis, it’s traumatic for both the care receiver and the care giver.

Wednesday morning Alex got a spinal injection to calm the nerve pain following his back surgery. He took a nap when we got home, and I thought everything was going well. After lunch he went to the toilet. Fortunately, I was close by when he called for help.

I opened the door and saw that he was very pale and sweating profusely. I got a wet washcloth and put it on the back of his neck. I got another one, and when I put it on his forehead, he collapsed. I lifted his chin, and although his eyes were open, he […]

I like to be in control. I enjoy making plans and following schedules. These last few months have reminded me time and time again that the only thing I can control is my attitude and my actions.

As caregivers, I think when we can accept that the disease, disability, or pain is in control, it becomes easier to shift, adjust and adapt to the things that happen each day.

We’ve had a hard week. Alex developed an inflamed nerve after back surgery. He got a steroid injection in the spine on Wednesday morning. It stopped the pain, but in the afternoon he lost consciousness for a few minutes, which led to an 8-hour stint in the ER. This morning the pain […]

Early this morning I went for a walk with my friend Sally who had surgery for brain cancer a few months ago. I asked her how the experience has changed her. She thought a minute and said, “I don’t know that it has. I’m still positive, I’m still optimistic, and I’m still loving life.” She said, “I’ve never asked, ‘Why me?’ because then I’d have to ask ‘Why not me?’” We spent the remainder of our time talking about the things we still have on our “Bucket Lists”.

Last night was another painful, sleepless night for my husband. After breakfast I wanted to do something to bring a little joy into his day, so I went out to the yard and […]