gerontology and caregiving

There is only room in my heart for one emotion today – happiness! Yesterday I got to witness the wedding rehearsal for my son Robert and his fiancé Erica. As they stood under the gazebo and practiced saying their wedding vows, Robert’s cheeks flushed bright red. Erica’s eyes filled with tears, and their love for each other filled my heart with joy.

I thought of my mom this morning as I started ticking off the items on my to-do list and how she always used to say, “As long as I have the ability to think and to reason, I have the power to choose my attitude toward any person, thing, or event.”

I guess I could choose to feel pressured to get everything done perfectly and on time. I […]

The events leading up to my son’s wedding tomorrow have been quite special. We’ve had a wonderful time getting to know the bride’s mother and brother. They live in Ohio, and we convinced them to come a few days early so they could enjoy seeing a bit of Oregon before the wedding.

At dinner on Wednesday night my heart had soared when Rob said, “Erica and I can communicate with each other without ever saying a word.” He’s 37. She’s 39. Neither one has ever been married before. I had nearly given up on him ever finding the right woman.

This morning at breakfast we talked about what a blessing it is that our kids found each other. We also talked about how happy we were that Erica had been […]

My son Robert is getting married on Saturday. His bride’s mother and brother have come from Ohio for the wedding and they are staying with us.

Nothing like a wedding and out-of-state company to motivate a person to get organized! I have a tendency to accumulate stacks of papers around my desk, on top of the kitchen counter, and if I’m being totally honest, on most other flat surfaces. Over the last several months I had been so busy with teaching, writing and speaking engagements that I had let the stacks get precariously tall. Our yard needed attention, and my closets were a cluttered mess. Did I mention the various containers in the refrigerator that had long since passed their “sell by” dates?

I went on a big organizing kick. […]

I know I have written about forgiveness before, but I have to talk about it again today. On Monday I spoke at the Challenges in Caregiving Conference in Seattle. During a breakout session I did about coping with caregiver anger, a woman shared a story with me that took my breath away.

Sue and Ann had been best friends for 42 years. They’d gone to college together. After they got married, their husbands became best friends. The two couples had raised their children together, and they had lots of plans for traveling together during their retirement years.

When Sue’s husband suffered a debilitating stroke, Ann and her husband abandoned them. Ann was angry because she thought Sue’s husband had brought the stroke on himself by smoking and by not following […]

My 39 year-old son called me last night to say he is thinking about making a dramatic career change. I listened intently, asked several questions and then encouraged him to follow his passion.

After I went to bed I found myself wishing he had decided to do this 10 years earlier. I was thinking, “You’re almost 40, son. It’s a little late in the game to be making such a dramatic shift!”

But then I realized that I didn’t start speaking until I was 55. My mother was 75 when she became a certified Reiki instructor. I’ve heard it said that if Winston Churchill had died before he was 70 that he would have been considered a failure.

If you look around, I’m pretty sure you will discover that you […]

I am a crammer. I have a tendency to cram too many projects into a day, too many clothes into a suitcase and too many words into this column. In the next eight days I have two speaking engagements and my son’s wedding. House guests from out of state will arrive on Tuesday. It is a fun, happy time, but it will also be exhausting.

That’s why the last two days have been so glorious. I had a speaking engagement on the north end of Seattle on Thursday. I have another one the south end tomorrow, so Alex came with me and we’ve spent two days resting and relaxing in the middle of the city.

We haven’t had a time schedule. (The hotel room doesn’t have a kitchen or a […]

When my friend Angie married Mark, she was a successful advertising executive and he was teaching high school history. They were both in their late 30’s, and their future looked bright.

Soon after the wedding Mark’s dad suffered a terrible stroke. He wasn’t expected to live long, which was fine with everyone, because he had been an abusive husband and a horrible father. Mark took the summer off to help his mother. When fall came, he didn’t go back to school. He thought if he could just help her get through his dad’s illness, that she could have a decent life and a little money after the old coot died.

As luck would have it, his mother died, and what Mark had anticipated would be a short-term hiatus from his […]

Have you ever cast your eyes toward heaven and cried out, “I don’t get it! What’s happening here? What is the lesson I’m supposed to be learning from all of this?”

I have sought answers in this manner numerous times, and I have yet to receive a clear, concise response from God. I have, however, come to the conclusion that we generally experience the greatest mental and spiritual growth when we are facing insurmountable problems and coping with crushing defeats.

Today I’d like for you to think about the challenges you have faced and the problems you have already overcome. Then let the knowledge that you survived those past problems provide you with the confidence that you will find the strength and courage to keep going now.

Trust in your […]

Every Memorial Day I am flooded with memories of going to the cemetery in McPherson, Kansas with my parents to decorate the graves of the “old people”. I know this sounds odd, but I’m pretty sure Memorial Day was my Dad’s favorite holiday. He had served in WWII, so the American flags lining the roads and decorating the veterans’ graves were especially meaningful to him.

Dad loved hot pink peonies. We’d buy them by the bucketful and then clip the stems short and divide them into a variety of jelly jars wrapped in foil. Dad always looked forward to visiting with the relatives who came from out of town. He spent a little time at each of his parents’ graves and the graves of various relatives reflecting on who they’d […]

For a few years after my divorce, I was a card-carrying man hater. Then one day I came to the conclusion that I really didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I truly believed if I found the right man, I could have a happy marriage.

I decided to make a list of the qualities I wanted in a mate, so I sat down with a yellow legal pad and started to write. The first four traits were non-negotiable. He had to be:

Intelligent
Polished – I wanted to be with a gentleman
Leader – He needed to have a vision other people were inspired to follow
Faith – He had to believe in something bigger than himself

After I listed those top four qualities, I wrote down all […]